5R Suspense Writing

Hi everyone,

this week in 5R we have been working hard to improve our writing skills. Children began by creating word banks of exciting adjectives to describe garden objects. We used our sense of sight, touch and smell to help us.IMG_1100[1]

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Children then moved on to write descriptions of the Secret Garden. They used some fantastic adjectives along with great sentence openers.

The children then progressed onto building suspense in their writing. They had to pull all of their skills together to create this work.

 

5R I have one last challenge for you this week. Your homework is to create a piece of writing which builds suspense in a story.

Use the image to help you generate ideas.

1360056474_the_secret_garden-oo

 

Remember to use:

A mixture of complex and short sentences

Questions to engage the reader

Powerful adjectives

Powerful verbs

Figurative language

 

I am looking forward to reading your writing!

 

Miss Redhead

27 thoughts on “5R Suspense Writing

  1. As I enter the garden it was butte full it was like a dream I herd the butte full nose made me dans and dans ever time I herd that butte full nose it was so good and lovely and great I wish I could stay all day long here and live here it made a fresh start for my self it was so lovely it made me cry out loud so much it was great was nice and the smell was great it me cry of laster for ever and It was great so great the first time I went they I was very good they it was very good it made me cry a good side of me

  2. As I walked through the colossal, rusty door, my nose grabbed the beautiful smell of roses, sunflowers and tulips of every kind. My soul hugged the life of peace. Then I heard something. I trembled in fear. It looked at me. It was a…butterfly? I was all that scared for nothing?Then I knew that I was safe.

    As the beautiful red butterfly twirled away, the wonderful world I have dreamed of was right in front of me. The grass was filled with clovers, poppies,bluebells and lavenders everywhere.

    CLANK!CLANK!CLANK!
    somebody was coming. I shivered like a egg that’s just been hatched.
    “Hello.” I said. “Hello hello hello hello.” the garden echoed.
    Who is the person with her.

  3. As the wooden,brown door creaked open my heart pounded with terror thump!thump!thump!.I could here the bees buzzing and I smelt mud coming my way.I thought and thought in my empty mind is this place dangerous? what is this place?.My legs were tugged together and my hands were shaking.

    As I touched the doorknob I closed my brown glittery eyes and felt spiky leaves tickling my back.What is this a magical forest? …..

    I then opened my brown eyes and looked around me I saw flowers growing on the tall bricked walls and the green wet grass was dancing with joy. The waterfalls however were crying excitedly splosh!splosh!splosh!. The bird were sitting on there nest on the tree ,which looked like a tangled snake.The daddy bird was searching for food and then he looked at the beetles singing and just danced to the beetles song.

    I just looked around at them and stared at them as if they were superheroes saving the world.They all gave one glance at me and just started dancing . The spider on the path just started to do cartwheels and handstands all over the place even on top of his mums head.When I was about to go out I stopped and took a handful of flowers and roses and skipped merrily down the path.

    By Halima Memi

  4. When I peeked through the ancient,dirty door, my eyes were drawn to what was behind it.Then , I took one step and I started to think what would be beind the door.My jaw dropped open as I rubbed my eyes to check if I was dreaming but I wasn’t.I was frightened and terrified but I was curious and determined to find out.

    As I stepped into the mysterious garden, I felt a tingle in my body but it wasn’t like any other tingle, it was a special but strange tingle.I felt my beating heart leap into my mouth.

    As I gazed and wandered around,I saw glittering,cherry red roses,bright,bottle green leafless stems which were matted nicely onto the high walls.There was a fountain which had crystal,water streaming out like sick.

    Just then, I heard someone scream…
    I walked to the corner and I saw a lady tied up with rope and she told me something that I didn’t know before.

    I found out that the garden was a magical secret garden and it was hidden from the evil king and his mystic powers.

  5. When I peeked through the ancient,dirty door, my eyes were drawn to what was behind it.Then , I took one step and I started to think what would be behind the door.My jaw dropped open as I rubbed my eyes to check if I was dreaming but I wasn’t.I was frightened and terrified but I was curious and determined to find out.

    As I stepped into the mysterious garden, I felt a tingle in my body but it wasn’t like any other tingle, it was a special but strange tingle.I felt my beating heart leap into my mouth.

    As I gazed and wandered around,I saw glittering,cherry red roses,bright,bottle green leafless stems which were matted nicely onto the high walls.There was a fountain which had crystal,water streaming out like sick.

    Just then, I heard someone scream…
    I walked to the corner and I saw a lady tied up with rope and she told me something that I didn’t know before.

    I found out that the garden was a magical secret garden and it was hidden from the evil king and his mystic powers.

  6. As I entered the secret garden , I stepped . I was looking at the flower and there was something moving it was the tree. So I went to the other side ther were flowers which were multi coloured. They looked beautiful.

    So when I was walking I heard a big BANG! and CRASH! It was so scary that I ran away because I was scared of the noise. I didn’t know what I should do. So I went and hide behind the plantswhen I was walking I heard a big BANG! and CRASH! It was so scary that I ran away because I was scared of the noise. I didn’t know what I should do. So I went and hide behind the plants.

    Then I thought it was my dream but it wasn’t. So then it was peace and quite

    • As I was handed the secret key i began to put the key in the lock I looked behind me just in case I thought it might be a stash of grenades or bombs but what was it…..

      As I opened the old rusty door (I looked behind me because I thought it might be a trap) so I started amusing the flowers and water fountain thump thump thump I heard the sound of footsteps I stepped backwards but what was the mysterious person was it coming to get Mary…

  7. as I walked in the garden for my first time, as I kept on walking SUDDENLY I hard a door shaking when I looked inside and there was a new garden with crystal red roses and sky blue butterfly.as I walked along the huge path I heard a big BANG it was a big goblin and it was a nice goblin he showed me were his house was and he let me stay there because I had no were to stay now I have some place to stay

  8. As I crept in the floors of the garden ,my hart was pounding with frightens … BOOM,BOOM,BOOM. I heard nature calling me. Had anyone been hear? …Am I the only one been hear?… Is this a funeral? I smelt the fresh smell of the swinging ,and climbing roses. This is a Miracle !…

  9. As I entered the mysterious garden,I saw walls which were alive. I saw crimson roses which smelled like sweet honey. They stared at me with beauty, As if i was there friend. I thought to my self has any body been here before?

    I saw tangled trees like Rapunzel hair. The bark was like a chocolate fountain going through the trees. The trees were singing to me like if i was there mum.

    The flowers were dancing through the mid air. I wonder if this has ever been hear before? …
    :)

  10. As I entered the magical garden, I saw a glimpse of shining light. Before I entered the secret garden I felt TAP! TAP! TAP! Do you know what I saw when I looked behind… I was shocked what I saw. I saw nothing.

    When I entered the secret garden, I saw blue roses, which were the colour of the sky.

  11. As the gigantic , black gate creaked open , my heart started to pound BOOM…BOOM…BOOM. I shut my small brown eyes tightly. Fear surrounded me . I am scared and aloun … What will I do ?

    I took a step forward with my eyes still closed . I put my long arms out in front of me . I could feel crispy leaves all over my hands…Is this a trap?

    I slowly opened my small eyes…The secret ,which was hidden, is out !!!Surrounding my body was enormous tree trunks . For some reason the tall giraffes were black.

    At the moment I feel like a lonely bat in its gloomy cave . It is dark . The wind sounds like a pack of wolves howling to each other .

    Unexpectedly , I slipped over .On the muddy ground was sharp ,little pebbles . The pebbles were very different , they were all black with little diamonds inside of them…where actually am I ?

  12. As I entered the enchanting,secret garden I saw lots of red roses.Even reddish than sweet cherrys and blossoms.when I saw it I fell in love with the pure smells,as I leaned forward to pick 2 or 3 amazing roses I smelt the bush it smelt like green,lime and fresh apples.

    Suddenly a bright yellow and white bracelet appeared on the bush.I picked it up and when I wore it I could feel something in a distance that I couldn’t see before was stood still and it was a brown,rusty door I just new now that there is a magical adventure is waitin for me that’s concealed behind the mysterious door.
    A key popped up in the door knob and I immediately twisted the key and I stepped in it with joy… By Leena

    • As I was walk in the magical garden,I did not hear anything.
      The only thing I heard was twings under my feet.Suddenly,I heard
      some thing behind me but what was it…?

      I could feel tension fling in the air.I was feeling wicker and wicker.The wind was blowing so hard.I did not know were it was coming from but it was growling loudly like a bear being woke up.

      I turned back so I could be safe but the door closed.This was getting creeper and I was lonely with no one but me.

      by astrid (a)

    • As I was walk in the magical garden,I did not hear anything.
      The only thing I heard was twings under my feet.Suddenly,I heard
      some thing behind me but what was it…?

      I could feel tension fling in the air.I was feeling wicker and wicker.The wind was blowing so hard.I did not know were it was coming from but it was growling loudly like a bear being woke up.

      I turned back so I could be safe but the door closed.This was getting creeper and I was lonely with no one but me.
      by astrid (a)

  13. As I entered the mammoth,peculiar door I could smell red roses as sweet roses as sweet as perfume. My nose began to twich. I began to itch my nose.This was quiet strange because I never iched to sweet stuff.

    I clutched on to the handle and forced it open. While I strolled into the enchanted,abandoned garden I couldn’t believe what I saw. I saw birds chirping cheerfully and the butterfly’s flying side to side like a flying saucer. Suddenly my eye caught a glimps of the lime,green bushes that had red roses growing on.

    Just then I recognised that the amazing brown grass began to spit more roses out.
    “WOW!, pinch me if I’m dreaming” I said happily
    I also saw a gigantic brick wall which had tall roses mangled together.

    Just then I heared a rustle coming from the bush
    “What was that “I wondered
    I caught a glimps of the mysteriouse figure. It had yellow eyes rounding creep, a long,hideous black tail. I began to panic. My heart lept into my mouth. My hands began to shake.
    “Helllpppppp!!!” I screamed
    “Grrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!” Moaned the figure from the bush.
    Just then the ferocious.deadly figure pounded out. ….
    By Omayah:D

  14. As I strolled down the path, my nose catched a smell.What was it I thought?Then I followed the smell where it lead, it was a hidden chamber.My eyes catched a glimps and then I saw a tree curled like a group of penguin
    hudling together.And there was a staircase which lead to a secret garden.

  15. As I entered the mysterious garden my nose started to flicker and twitch. Soon after I noticed the smell was from an emerald flowers in a pea green bush that started to blossom. They smelt like tropical fruits rain from the sky. Later on my eyes caught on to some fluorescent butterflies as they glowed furiously. As the butterflies fluttered away my head bashed in to a door with a carving of a dragon shooting a fire ball. I was so eager to open it.

    When I opened the door the door there was a whole garden that was dead. The only thing that was alive was a tree which branches tangled like snakes. Creak! Creak! Crash! My heart pumped as it was in a cage and was trying to escape. WACK! The tree leaves feel instantly. I saw a reflection of a monster. What was it.

    Hm. It was just a purple baby dragon. Later on I named it spyr.

    The End:)

  16. As I pushed the old, filthy door I entered the magnificent garden the violet flowers were tangled up like a bridge the ruby roses was sweet as perfume. While the wind was howling the bushes were moving side to side. In a minute a colourful
    butterfly flew next to my face and the tall large tree looked like a ladder.

  17. Before I wondered about in the mysterious garden,I smelt a sent that was as sweet as fancy perfume but couldn’t make out what it was.My nose twitched.I began to sneeze.I thought how peculiar it was for me to sneeze against something sweet.

    AS I strolled further and further more,I banged my head and I realised I banged my head on a unclean , foul ,rusty door.I was lost for words.It was a pile of paper glued together.
    I opened the door wide opened and noticed a whole new world of amazing adventure was waiting impatiently for me.My ears picked up a strange tune it was quite scary.My heart jumped into my mouth.Suddenly the tune stopped as if it was scared of something.
    While my feet took dragged me,I heard something.I smelt something like soil.The kakhi-green grass threw up crimson red roses and carnations.My heart beated as fast as it could while I jumped.
    Once I took my eyes of the flowers,I saw something rustling in a pea-green bush.A pitch black Robin flew out of it.I started to think that I let my imagination get the best of me.
    When I rolled my eyes up,I saw snakes coiled around each other stuck to the ground.My sensitive ears caught the sound of a furious animal.I got scared.My head got dizzy from looking around everywhere.I wondered what is going to happen to me next?…

  18. As I entered the peculiar looking garden , I saw branches leaning over each other. the branches were as dark as dark chocolate. I walked along the muddy path and could hear the wind howling like a wolf.In my mind I said how do I get out out of hear? My heart pounded.My heart pounded. My face was sweating.My teeth shiverd. what shall I do?…

    I run with fear and I saw trees srounding me.As I was running the sky was getting dark and there was no way out…

  19. As I walked through the muddy,old stairs.I had been shivering like I had seen a dead body lying on the leaves.The trees where tangled like sluthring snakes.I was sweating.However there was no sun “what was happening?”,. I said to myself.All over the place there was leaves.I had been hearing some scaring noices like crunch crunch crunch…

    Suddenly I had seen someone’s shadow.When ever I want to go near it keep on moved.In a distance I had saw something fall it was a plank paper.I didn’t know who had thrown it but I went the way where I had seen the paper.But there was nothing there…

    Suddenly there was the same shadow which I had saw the same one.I followed it.It had went towards my house.I could not see it’s face because it was to blury.But as I saw it.It was my brother Ben who always has a walk in a forest.”How could I forget”.

    THE END.

  20. As I strolled through the enchanted entrance,I was amazed to see such a huge,old,rusty door.Suddenly the golden door opened very slowly.

    When I stepped one foot into the magical garden,I just knew that there was a whole new world waiting to be discovers by me.In the far distance, I could see pea green bushes with rose red flowers on them.The roses smelt as sweet as perfume.Right beside my face I could feel a sea blue butterfly flapping its tiny wings.Beside me when I was walking their were tall trees with candy pink blossoms on them.The bark was like chocolate.Over my head their were white blossom arches.

  21. As I went to the mysterious garden,I saw tangled trees like hair. I smelled the roses smelled like perfume and they were beautiful flowers.They were smooth and smelled really good.

    I went to the magical place that had wonderful roses and smelled like perfume. I saw some trees tangled up and I saw a shadow that was shocking to me. I went back and found some more butter cups they smelled like butter. I went back to the mysterious garden and put all the flowers in my garden.

    THE END :)

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