Peer assessment of a Setting Description

Below is an example of a setting description that one child created this week. 

Your task is to state what you think is effective in the text, what could be improved and any corrections which should be made. Make sure this is completed in detail!

Up high, on a steep hill, there was an old wrinkly man  who stood motion less, staring at the sight before him. Above the angelic and translucent clouds, the golden ball of light kicked beams of light on the lush green grass. The strong wind made it’s way and blowed all the tree’s up and down WOOSH WOOSH, the wind howled like a lion. 

What to look out for;

– Punctuation including full stops, exclamation marks, commas and apostrophes.

– Verb tenses

Extension;

– What else could be described?

 

24 thoughts on “Peer assessment of a Setting Description

  1. The good thing about the work is that the person used excellent punchiatian in the piece of work.The thing that can be improved is making it more sence you wouldn’t say motion less.The other thing which is wrong is the wind don’t go roar.

  2. What a great setting description. I love the simile, ‘the wind howled like a lion’, it’s very effective. The use of personification is brilliant too!

  3. Compliments
    Used great adjectives such as “steep hill ” and “wrinkly”he has used loads of descriptive vocabulary such as “the gold ball kicked out beams of light”.He has used amazing metaphors in his paragraph of work,and has described the character in the setting description.

    Improvements
    Instead of saying howled like a lion the student could have said “howled like a wolf”. The student used to much commas and also lacked full stops. The student could have used much more time describing the wind and it’s movements, he should have said “as the breeze swayed from left to right”.

    Corrections
    He could have used more time describing the old man in the setting while on the mountain. The student used a lot of commas and full stops. He used also a lot of semi colons and ellipsis in his piece of work.

  4. The things that is good about this work,is that they’ve described the surrounding amazingly and the man.This person had used a range of adjectives and phases, such as, old, wrinkly,angelic and the golden ball of kicked beams. Also this person has used metaphors and personification.There are embedded clauses used
    in this piece of work, for example,Up high,on a steep hill,there was an old wrinkly
    man who stood motion less, staring at the sight before him.

  5. This person has no structure and he has put the commas in the wrong place.also this person has used the wrong phrase.Whoosh Whoosh the wind howled like a loin.He has not used explanation marks and question marks.The positives I liked is that he used a range of adjective and phrases. He has used a lot of different sentence openers and personification like above the angelic and translucent clouds , the golden ball of light kicked beams of light on the lush green grass.

  6. I like that the writer has used an excelant range of sentence types such as up high in the sky, there was an old wrinkly man who stood motion less. they used figurative language .sugestion is that they should’ve used better punctuation.

  7. The positives in this piece of work are that the person has used adjectives and the good adverbial phrases, such as,steep hill,old wrinkly man and lush green grass.The adverbial phrases that are good in this piece of work are up high on a steep hill and above the angelic and tranclusent clouds.The negatives in this work is that after old this person should put a comma because there is another adjective before man and that this person put the wind howled like a loin,this person should of put the wind roared like a lion.The improvements that this person could of made is when this person put the strong wind made its way and blowed all the tree’s up and down,this person could of put whilst the strong wind made it’s way and blowed all the tree’s up and down WOOSH WOOSH,the wind roared like a loin.

  8. This person has used great adjectives such as :wrinkly,steep, lush green grass, translucent,howled and golden. He has also used phrase and personification such as: golden ball of fire and kicked beams of light on the lush green grass.
    The negative is that he hasn’t used order of events(structure) and the wrong simile: the wind howled like a lion the correction is howled like a wolf.

  9. Improvements
    When the student used WOOSH the student could have used an exclamation mark to show it was loud.the student also used too much commas so he could used a full stop.Furthermore,the student could have used more description to describe athe setting and the description has to be on a different paragraph than the fragile man.Also,the student could have used personification instead of using WOOSH.The student has used a ineffective simile because how can you can describe a lion with the wind because a lion says roar and the wind whistles like WOOSH .The student could have used a thesaurus for different adjectives.The student’s work hasn’t have structure.
    Compliments
    The student has used effective adjectives such as old wrinkly and angelic and used good verb tenses.Also the student has used commas correctly and has put full stops and capital letters correctly.The student has used adverbial phrases to say where when or how a person did something.The adverbial phrases they used are up above on a steep hill.
    Comments
    Overall a good piece of work but the student needs to change their mistakes throughout their piece of work.

  10. This person has used commas effectively and figurative language effectively.I think the person needs to improve on structure.This person has used onomatopoeias well.This person has used embedded clauses well.

  11. Complements

    Using commas correctly
    Using similes
    Using a range of adjectives such as angelic,lush,old and wrinkly.

    Improvements

    This student could use more punctuation instead of using lots of commas and full stops. The similes that this person has made are not appropriate such as the wind howled like a lion. Instead the student could of used the wind howled like a owl.

    Suggestions

    This student could of used adverbs to describe the wind. The work could of been more interesting by using more embedded clauses.

    By Shabnam

  12. I Liked the way they used a metaphor the golden ball and the wind howled like a lion. I Also liked the way the writer described the steep steps and lush green grass.A good personification is light kiked beams of light.

    Daniel

  13. I think this person has overused commas and they should have used better adjectives. This person has also used unaffective similes and a apostrophe in wrong place. This person has also used unaffective verbs

  14. What’s good about the work
    The things that are good about the work is they’ve described the man amazingly and used metaphors and personification such as the golden ball of sunlight kicked beams of light to the lush green grass.This person has also used fabulous adjectives.There are embedded clauses used perfectly and commas in the right place.
    What needs improving
    After who there needs to be a comma.

  15. In the fanatasy description, I liked that the writer used outstanding personification like “the clouds looked down at the man”and good imagination to describe the setting she used awsome mataphors creative verbs like “looked,stood”

  16. I really like the adjectives which are wrinkly,translucent and lush. I Love the apostrophes that are the golden ball and the wind howled like a lion. I also like the punctuation that have been used including commas and full stops. The mountains should be described and the gate like the big grey boulders stood in front of him as the large spikes pointed at him.

  17. The Pearson who created this text and used a great metaphor like the golden ball kicked beams of light. They Put the commas in the right places like up high,on a steep hill,there was a old wrinkly man who stood motion less, staring at the sight before him.

    • By saying the sun “kicked beams of light” the writer is giving the sun a human characteristic as the sun cannot literally kick the sun – it is personification.

  18. In the fantasy setting description,I liked that he/she used lots of adjectives in that text and good onomatopoeias. He /she writen in detail about what the setting was about.the commas where put correct places witch made it correct.the openers where good and he/she did’t use the word“the”a lot it the text.

  19. The Pearson who created this text and used a great metaphor like the golden ball kicked beams of light. They Put the commas in the right places like up high,on a steep hill,there was a old wrinkly man who stood motion less, staring at the sight before him.

  20. This description has a range of adjectives like “old”,”wrinkly”,”steep.”
    Also the writer has used prepositions like “above.”
    They used a personification like “the golden ball of light kick beams of light on the lush green grass.”

    I think they could use at least one more personification sentence or maybe they could use some metaphors.

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